Never fails. Every time I go to the grocery store with the kids, some one is sure to make a comment about the number of kids i have, or how full my hands are!? Really?! It's only three! Maybe it looks like more because of how fast they run circles around the shoppingcart, I don't know. I guess this is California and not Utah or Arizona, but still. It's just three.....for now.
No I'm not pregnant, yet. I'm not complaining really, I just thought it'd be a good segway for my real reason for this post.
For the past 3 years, I've known I wanted another baby. Not a big deal if I hadn't had my tubes tied after Savannah was born, BUT I did. Under the "guidance" of my doctor I decided 3 was good, and I was done with being pregnant, but that was before I knew she had a cleft, or that I would emotionally check-out for the next 6 months of our lives.
I see the pictures, and I remember all we went through before her surgeries, but it still seems like it all happened to someone else, and I was just watching it happen. There's a lot I regret not doing for those first 6 months of her life, and I'm sure that plays a big part in my decision and perserverence to have another baby, but we all (the kids and Mark and I) made it through that hard time in one piece and for that I am both grateful and proud of us.
For the past 6 months we've been seeing a fertility doctor, and after a couple of set backs, we are Finally going to start IVF this month.
I'm including a general disclaimer to anyone who will be around me, or might cross my path in these next 7 or 8 week. I will have an abnormally high amount of hormones and drugs going through me, and would like to apologize now for any emotional outbursts or swings that may occur. Then again, maybe it won't be that bad right? Either way, you've been warned.
